| Roadie Definitions! |
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The Webmaster has recovered from his first stab at Hell week held in the Texas Hill Country this week. Hopefully, hell get some photos up from his ride to Luckenbock (yknow, where Willie, Waylon and the boys are...aint nobody feeling no pain...unless youve been through hell week) Roadie Definitions! "Im out of shape" Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and I havent missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your underwear. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate. "Im not into competition" Translation: I will attack you until you collapse into the gutter, babbling and whimpering as if yourve been watching Celebrity Poker. I will win the town-line sprint even if I have to hook you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first even if I have to grab your seat post, spray an energy drink into your eyes or ask you how to program my DVD player. "I am on my beater bike today" Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce. "Its not that hilly" Translation: This climb last longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steeper sections or youll fall over----backwards. Oh, you have a 39x23 low gear? Heres the name of my knee sugeon. "Youre doing great honey" Translation: Yo, lardo, Id like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spenting the winter watching football and gobbling sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance. "This is a no drop ride" Translation: Ill need an article of your clothing. Its for the search-and-rescue dogs. "Its not that far" Translation: Yes, it is. 
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