Breaking up is hard to do...sometimes the actual part of breaking up is easy it's the getting over the relationship and filling the void that's difficult.
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago because he is moving back to his country, Argentina. I feel that I love him and therefore I need to let him go do what he needs to do in his life.
My problem is that there are times when I feel I need him and miss him so much that I lose this balance of surrender; sometimes I am overwhelmed with my emotions and miss him terribly and this causes an ache and sadness in my life. My question is how do I deal with the sadness of his absence in my life? How do I love without feeling the need for him to be by my side?
On one hand, you appear to be going through a natural and understandable grieving process. In addition, it is certainly much easier for emotionally healthy people to let go of difficult or unsatisfying relationships than letting go of satisfying ones such as the one you are missing. Honestly, I don't think anyone can blame you for the difficult feelings you are experiencing. The key I believe, and what I think is the essence of your problem, is how to handle this lonely process as clearly, effectively and quickly as is healthy.
As you know, it has taken me a long time to get back to you on your question. I have been thinking about it literally for weeks. The reason for this is I think that what you are experiencing is not only a normal grieving process, but also a multidimensional and complex situation affecting your spiritual, mental, emotional and physical self. As I pondered the important issues you address in your question, I almost got too many ideas and answers because of the multiple layers of your experience.
So, here are just some of my thoughts on experiencing the clearest, easiest and healthiest physical, emotional, mental and spiritual journey ahead. Perhaps some of the commenters can add their thoughts too.
Physical Self and Separation
I have found that we can have our heads, hearts and soul moving in a new direction, and our physical self is still stuck in the old habits. In other words, during periods of change, our bodies are our last element on the train so to speak. We can be emotionally over that boyfriend, mentally committed to new healthy habits and have our spiritual energies ready to reach for new vibrational levels -- and find that our bodies still crave that boyfriend, those cigarettes and sitting watching television. It is as if our physical self gets used to something and is the last to get used to the new thing. So, the first valuable thing to know is that your body will stay stuck at the old habits for a long time. It will expect the phone calls, the driving together, the eating meals together, and other physical routines and wonder where those went.
There are some ways to alleviate this difficulty. For instance, you could talk to your physical self and explain to her that you will be replacing the old routines with some new physical habits. Explain, for instance, that you will now be eating or driving places alone and that will be good too because you will crank up your Ipod with your favorites and thus make new fun habits for her to get used to (which will have to get switched again the next time you get into a serious relationship - smile!). That is just one idea; perhaps you can think of some others to soften the physical changes.
Mental Self and Calming Your Thoughts
One problem when we have a break up we did not want is the way our brains churn it over and over and over. Constant thoughts and persistent thinking about the situation can feel overwhelming for some people. Sometimes we think about our memories, or we think about what we did wrong, or we think about what we can do to get it back. Those are just some of the ways our mind keeps spinning as it looks for logical or rational ways to deal with the situation. In your case, you are trying to keep your thoughts peaceful and balanced, and I promise you this is helping.
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