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Sexual Detox: The E-Book
Everything about being Single
Written by Charlotte   

Sexual Detox: The E-Book

Last week’s series on Sexual Detox was quite an experience for me. I figured it would garner a little bit of interest simply because it dealt with an universal issue (sex) and because it included several important peripheral issues (pornography, addiction, and so on). But even then the response surprised me, both in terms of the number of visitors who showed up to read the articles and the outpouring of comments and emails in response to it. All of this showed me that I had tapped into an important issue.

Sexual DetoxQuite a few people wrote me to ask if I would be able to put the series together into a booklet or e-book. I am hard at work preparing a booklet form of it. I’ll be using a self-publishing printer to prepare it in paperback format and those will soon be available at Amazon for anyone who would wish to have a hard copy. What I’ve done in the meantime is create two different versions of the e-book, one for single guys and another for married guys. There are differences between them with each targeted at its specific audience.

Today I am glad to announce that the e-book of Sexual Detox: A Guide for the Single Guy is ready to go. I added to it a whole new chapter dealing with masturbation and also added study questions for those who are interested in working a bit on application. This version is geared specifically to young men and, even more specifically, to young single men. The version for married men will be ready to go in the near future. Also, Aileen and I are combining a little bit of this material with new things she has written into a guide for women that is based largely on emails she and I received from women who had read the Detox series. This should also be available soon.


to download the free e-book:

Yes, Race Matters In Online Dating by Eyder Peralta NPR
Everything about being Single
Written by Charlotte   

When we talk about race it's almost always institutional, about hiring and real-estate trends and government policy. We rarely look at it in terms of our personal lives.

Earlier this month, though, OKCupid, a free online dating service, scoured through the messaging trends of more than one million of their users and found that online dating is riddled with the same biases as the real world.

In short, black women are slighted the most and white men have a bountiful harvest.

Using their "picture-rating utility" the analysis made sure that a person's looks didn't play a role. The data used came from people whose pictures were rated about the same. Still, they found that Caucasian women preferred white men over any other race. That same preference was more patent in Hispanic and Asian women.

to read the rest of the article:

Good Dating: Four Dimensions of Healing after a Breakup -
Everything about being Single
Written by Charlotte   

Good Dating: Four Dimensions of Healing after a Breakup   


Breaking up is hard to do...sometimes the actual part of breaking up is easy it's the getting over the relationship and filling the void that's difficult.


My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago because he is moving back to his country, Argentina. I feel that I love him and therefore I need to let him go do what he needs to do in his life.

My problem is that there are times when I feel I need him and miss him so much that I lose this balance of surrender; sometimes I am overwhelmed with my emotions and miss him terribly and this causes an ache and sadness in my life. My question is how do I deal with the sadness of his absence in my life? How do I love without feeling the need for him to be by my side?

Sati, Tanzania.

Hi Sati,

On one hand, you appear to be going through a natural and understandable grieving process. In addition, it is certainly much easier for emotionally healthy people to let go of difficult or unsatisfying relationships than letting go of satisfying ones such as the one you are missing. Honestly, I don't think anyone can blame you for the difficult feelings you are experiencing. The key I believe, and what I think is the essence of your problem, is how to handle this lonely process as clearly, effectively and quickly as is healthy.

As you know, it has taken me a long time to get back to you on your question. I have been thinking about it literally for weeks. The reason for this is I think that what you are experiencing is not only a normal grieving process, but also a multidimensional and complex situation affecting your spiritual, mental, emotional and physical self. As I pondered the important issues you address in your question, I almost got too many ideas and answers because of the multiple layers of your experience.

So, here are just some of my thoughts on experiencing the clearest, easiest and healthiest physical, emotional, mental and spiritual journey ahead. Perhaps some of the commenters can add their thoughts too.

Physical Self and Separation

I have found that we can have our heads, hearts and soul moving in a new direction, and our physical self is still stuck in the old habits. In other words, during periods of change, our bodies are our last element on the train so to speak. We can be emotionally over that boyfriend, mentally committed to new healthy habits and have our spiritual energies ready to reach for new vibrational levels -- and find that our bodies still crave that boyfriend, those cigarettes and sitting watching television. It is as if our physical self gets used to something and is the last to get used to the new thing. So, the first valuable thing to know is that your body will stay stuck at the old habits for a long time. It will expect the phone calls, the driving together, the eating meals together, and other physical routines and wonder where those went.

There are some ways to alleviate this difficulty. For instance, you could talk to your physical self and explain to her that you will be replacing the old routines with some new physical habits. Explain, for instance, that you will now be eating or driving places alone and that will be good too because you will crank up your Ipod with your favorites and thus make new fun habits for her to get used to (which will have to get switched again the next time you get into a serious relationship - smile!). That is just one idea; perhaps you can think of some others to soften the physical changes.

Mental Self and Calming Your Thoughts

One problem when we have a break up we did not want is the way our brains churn it over and over and over. Constant thoughts and persistent thinking about the situation can feel overwhelming for some people. Sometimes we think about our memories, or we think about what we did wrong, or we think about what we can do to get it back. Those are just some of the ways our mind keeps spinning as it looks for logical or rational ways to deal with the situation. In your case, you are trying to keep your thoughts peaceful and balanced, and I promise you this is helping.


to read the rest of the article:


Behold! Facebook Gives Birth to the Retrosexual by Claire Suddath
Everything about being Single
Written by Charlotte   

I can see how Facebook reunites people. I went to a Facebook high school reunion over a month ago, and enjoyed seeing people I hadn't run into in years. I liked it better than my 10 year reunion, but then again I had just filed for divorce.  I have reunited with my first real boyfriend in high school and with Mr. Hot n Heavy in college through FB. My ego got a boost from these guys seeking me out. So I can see how FB could reunite old flames, crushes and steadies.  This article was published in the September 21st Time magazine issue.


Elise Garber married the first boy she ever kissed. She met him at an Outward Bound--style summer-camp program when she was 15, she "sort of dated" him for the summer, and then, like most teenage romances, it ended. Twenty-two years later, they met again on Facebook.

"I don't know why I looked him up," says the 37-year-old former advertising-agency executive in Chicago. Garber was showing a co-worker how Facebook works, and to demonstrate the search function--a feature that allows users to search for the names of people they know--she entered Harlan Robins, the name of the first boy she kissed. At the prodding of her co-worker, Garber sent Robins a message. And then she waited. Would he respond? Would he accept her friend request? Was it weird to contact an old summer-camp boyfriend?

As Facebook users have begun to skew older--the website is now as popular with 30-, 40- and 50-somethings as with the college students who pioneered it--they have found ways to reconnect with one another. And who better to get in touch with than an old flame? "Facebook makes it easier for you to take that first step of finding someone again," explains Rainer Romero-Canyas, a psychology research scientist at Columbia University. "It has finally provided a way for people to reach out to someone without fear of rejection."

To read the rest of the article:,9171,1921609,00.html

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